Ron Poznansky.

If Los Angeles is a trashed girl with a lost shoe throwing up on Cahuenga Blvd, Ron is the one holding our collective hair back. And making a smoothie afterward. Your girlfriend probably has a crush on him and maybe he’s taken your photo. But who is Ronny, you may ask?

Well, he is one of the greatest people ever, is who. 

What makes me qualified to pontificate so, you may ask?

Well. Ronny and I are pretty good friends. We talk everyday. We made out once and it was def top 5 for both of us. We play wordgames. We fall asleep on couches together at boring parties. People always think we’re dating because we hold hands, but we’re not. So this is a completely unbiased opinion/fact. Ron Poz is a gem and we better hold onto him forever. If he ever tries to move to NY or Portland it is our duty to lock him in a closet somewhere until he changes his mind.

Really. He is that wonderful. Still unconvinced? I’ve compiled a list of awesome things about Ronny to help sway you. 

 He is a swell dancer. He doesn’t daterape. He likes Yogurtland. He doesn’t talk about his dick constantly. He is a good driver. He loves animals. He might be a little autistic and that’s super cute. He drops science facts, not names. He knows a lot about computers. He never lies. He opens doors. He dresses like a dapper bellhop sometimes. He is extremely witty but not a showoff. He is punctual. 

If that doesn’t show you the light, I don’t know what will. But we should all take some time out to appreciate him. And to realize how soul-sullied we are next to him. He even has a halo, see for yourself. 

So next time you see him, give him a hug (even if you are a stranger). Ronny, we love you!

xoxoxooxo