I have two kittens living in my apartment. It seemed like a good idea at first. Kittens are cute and cuddly. I am slightly depressed. A kitten or two would have to cheer me up. They eat things. They pee on my clothes. They find trash and play with it. They take cigarette butts out of ashtrays and move them to the kitchen and bathroom floor. They run from end to end of the apartment every 30-45 minutes for at least a half an hour. When they aren’t destroying things, they want to lick my eyeballs. I wear my glasses to sleep. I feel like their supreme goal in each and everyday is to jump on my laptop, while I am not looking and delete something. I feel like I am being punished for making out with some girl’s boyfriend or not paying my parking tickets. God totally was like, “Jesus, send Sarah Morrison some fucking kittens.”

Related posts

• Blah blah blah I am a bitch everytime i dont like something. (4)
• You would totally write a cheesy song bout her too (5)
• You don’t need Steve Aoki headphones for this shit (3)